So it was midday in the middle of winter and I was sitting on the bench overlooking the lake and the dry grass that was burning alongside it, throwing up a huge billowing cloud of smoke. I see this young woman walking up the hill towards me and as she passes she says that she thought that was a snake next to me. Usually i pick a thin straight stick but that day for some reason I had this gnarly twisted heavy branch as my walking stick. She really thought it was a snake and so we had a chuckle about that and she continued on her way, with her book under her arm, over the hill.
A little while later, maybe fifteen minutes, she suddenly reappears right in front of my face, growling like a beast. I thought it was some kind of joke and I waited for the laughter but it didn’t come… she just continued growling, and then she became very confused and distressed, then she was apologizing and trying to explain, but I had some idea of what was going on with her and so I calmly invited her to sit down and talk to me about it.
She was very agitated and very remorseful but I said it’s ok and I opened my arms offering a hug and she came in and we embraced. I held her like I would hold my daughter if she was in distress, and she calmed down a little and started to tell me about this growling.
She said it has happened a few times before and usually it really scares people and she doesn’t know what to do about it. She says that the devil tells her to do these things and even worse things, and she is trying so hard to fight the devil and be a good Christian. I let her talk it out for some time and then I started asking some questions, about when this started and about her family background and the pieces of the puzzle started to emerge.
It all began after a rather traumatizing experience when her mother took her to church to have the demon rebuked out of her. And ever since then she has been hearing the voice of the devil and having horrible wicked thoughts.
She had to get back to work cos her lunch hour was over but she was too scared to walk back alone and asked if I would walk with her. I was waiting for a friend who was taking me out for her birthday lunch, but this young woman needed my help, so I said of course I would accompany her.
It wasn’t too far to walk to her office block on the other side of the huge park. It was such a contrast to emerge from that side of the park into traffic and big fancy buildings and security guards and what not. She asked me to wait, and she went inside to fetch her colleague. Her colleague came out and we chatted about what happened and I advised the lady on how she can support her. She also wanted me to talk to her Church pastor and so we exchanged numbers and agreed to meet again the next day at the bench.
At the time I had just discovered ‘The Friendship Bench’ an innovative new psychology program in Zimbabwe where older ladies in the community – grannies – offer counseling to younger ladies going through depression or anxiety and other issues and disorders. And here I meet a young Zimbabwean woman and offer her counseling on a bench. Life was trying to say something to me, and I was listening.
That night I called her Church pastor, a very friendly and knowledgeable young man. He gave me more background on her condition, that it was worse before but she had been making progress. I shared the psychological perspective and my insights into how I think he and the church can help her. That she’s not really in a battle with the devil but rather struggling with intrusive thoughts and painful memories that are so fragmented from her normal every day memory system that it is terrifying and terrorizing her. The more she resists and fights it the stronger it becomes. She needs to build a bridge between these two parts of her self.
Anyways, I met with Nomsa again the next day, same time, same place, on the bench and we talked some more. First I listened and observed. She seemed like a different person, more composed, more coherent and aware, but still very fixated on the devil and wanting to know what’s happening to her and what she can do to change this. She was very interested in the psychological angle but still quite stressed and anxious. I asked her to just be quiet with me for a little while, and we sat and listened. I asked her to feel the cold wind on her skin, and the warmth of the sun on her face, trying to draw her into the moment and into her body, out of her head. I tried to make her feel safe and guide her to know that she was safe, in the moment.
I shared that I think the reason she was triggered yesterday may have something to do with the fire and smoke that she walked past next to the lake, and then seeing me sitting next to a big “snake,” that’s probably why she felt the need to come and growl at me. She was so embarrassed and couldn’t actually even remember much of what happened. We talked some more about her childhood and her turbulent relationship with her mom. We talked some more about other things the devil was telling her to do. I told her about my conversation with her pastor and by the end of our chat she was much more relaxed.
I did a little exercise with her. It’s a kind of a guided meditation that you do with your two hands. You clench one first as hard as you can and then try to force it open with the other hand. And then after that you try a different approach, a more loving supportive approach and the hand slowly opens.
I needed to guide her away from the heavy charged Christian interpretation of what was happening inside of her, to a psychological explanation without all the technical jargon, just simple normal English, but still respecting her faith and using her love for Jesus as part of the healing stabilizing process. We needed to diffuse the heavy depth charge surrounding it, and allow it to express what the growling is trying to say.
It was the weekend and so we didn’t meet the next day, but after reading my website, where she saw some things about Darwin and evolution, she felt it was contrary to her beliefs. She was very grateful for my help but said that she would continue working with her church pastor and that her work colleague was also supporting her and so she would be fine. I left Joburg soon after that but we kept in touch and some weeks later I got a lovely message from her, and from her pastor, and from her colleague about how much better she was doing. It’s so beautiful this healing work, heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but wonderful when you can make a real difference in someone’s life.
